hungrycatepiller's Blog

basicly how my eating issues started

since I started high school about 4 years ago there was a huge pressure on all the girls to be pretty , popular, confident and above all, skinny. I had always been an extremely skinny child. My family would tease me and call me stick legs. I loved how I could eat anything and still be tiny! But when I was in my first and second year at high school I put on a lot of weight, my stick legs disappeared and I missed them so much. Okay so I wasn't fat but I wasn't thin anymore. Going into my third year at high school I thought nows the time to try and lose weight. I had to do something about it. I tried dieting but I just gave into the sweets, chocolate, bread and pizza! My mum had been anorexic due to a severe illness and I'd seen how thin and weak she had been and I would never have imagined my self to be in her position. I became rather ill with a similar illness to my mum when I was 13 and from then on I had to change my diet for my health. I eat a lot healthier and was at a pretty stable, healthy weight of 6 and a half stone. ( bear in mind I'm not very tall ) at 13 I was about 4ft 9 I can't really remember. But as soon as I over came my illness I started gaining a lot of weight again and I thought right, this is it. I started starving my self and throwing up what little food I ate. I'd usually eat no breakfast, pasta for lunch which I'd usually throw up and no dinner. If I was hungry I'd just drink water and maybe snack on celery because I knew it had virtually no calories in. My friends started noticing how thin I'd got. As I was changing from sport a girl came up to me and said "wow, your so skinny, you can see all your ribs!" I don't think it was a compliment but I took it as one. My boyfriend saw how fragile I was getting. My twin brother hugged me and noticed how thin I was, he poked my ribs and said he was concerned. My sister said I looked great. I'd lost my 32 c breasts and then had 32 A because I had lost so much weight. I am still to this day starving my self and I know it's not good. I need help but I am so insecure. I still believe I'm fat , and it's causing arguments between my friends and family. It's effecting my school grades and I admit I need help
My mood: very sick

They noticed I'm skipping meals :/

If you've read my story 'just thinking about food makes me feel sick' then you'll know I struggle with eating problems. I don't really like to admit to anorexia because I don't believe I'm skinny enough to have it but others do. My mum said today that she can't remember the last time she saw me eat. I've been using the excuses ; I already ate at school, I had a big lunch, I'm not hungrym I feel ill, I'm going to bed early. She said tommorow we have to sit and eat dinner as a family. She's cooking pasta bake and just the thought of the thick creamy sauce and mountains of cheese n top is making my stomouch twist in discust. It's like I'm scared to eat! I couldn't even sit and watch my sister eat the other day because just looking at the food made me want to throw up! I don't know what to do anymore! I know I can't keep running from food! It's ridiculous

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basicly how my eating issues started, posted December 11th, 2012
They noticed I'm skipping meals :/, posted December 11th, 2012

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